Do you lead a busy lifestyle? Are you always on the go? Would you love to have a full-size donut but simply don’t have the time? Do you instead have the time to painstakingly construct miniature donuts from water and a space-age powder? Then Kracie Popin Cookin Donut is for you!

Part origami, part model plane building, part scientific breakthrough, part optical illusion, this foodtivity (food activity) has something of a huge cult following around the world. Kracie kits make exact candy replicas of various foods and the net abounds with tutorial videos showing how it’s done.

While a candy donut is relatively believable, but as the foods get more adventurous, the dishes test the diner’s belief. Like grape candy Sushi

or a delicious Candy Burger Combo

The results are incredible. The replicas are edible. But the time invested, sadly, is non-refundable.

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Sure, race is currently a stronger predictor of whether someone will get the death penalty than smoking is for heart disease. But love sees no color at this locally-owned and family-operated store. Their salesman, Johnny (also known as “T-Engage”) likes “deer hunting, bass fishing, and extending credit to all people”. And their sofas “are perfect for a black person, or a white person”. One coffee table, one love. As it is at the Red House, so let it be on earth. Amen.

Extras here:

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Admittedly, until I saw this clip, I had never given it any thought, despite the fact that it is an entirely predictable and reasonable question. I also admit that as I initially watched it, I felt the baseline level of guilt you would feel associated with voyeuristically watching something that has nothing to do with you.

But the longer I watched it, the longer I came to marvel at everyone involved. From the health department that commissioned it, to the writers and the actors – they have all done their job so professionally as to be worthy of accolade.

Every working actor has their ‘weirdest job’ story. I’m not an actor by trade, but I once had to pretend to have phone sex with real phone sex operators while the conversations being transcribed for the purposes of a large commercial litigation. It was the phone sex equivalent of wearing a wire. And while I have no doubt that for the actors in this video, ‘What is a period?’ was probably their weirdest job story, I’m sure this came with an unmatched satisfaction of doing something genuinely worthwhile. I’m not sure I can say the same of my simulated telephone liaisons.

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For a long time we all thought the apex of primate behaviour was bareknuckle boxing with Clint Eastwood in the Seventies. Well, some scientists in the Japanese city of Inuyama have somehow managed to surpass even that, with a little experiment I like to call ‘Any which way you can…a chimp can do better’.

The game that they’re playing involves some crazy levels of numerical character recognition, arrangement, speedy recall and nerves of chimpy steel. Watch them do it a couple of times and you begin to wonder if Kevin Trudeau of Mega Memory fame wasn’t a man after all, just a shaved-down chimp in a suit with a highly evolved sense of marketing (and as it turns out, fraud).

To a large degree the chimps are self-taught. The scientists couldn’t explain it to them, they didn’t have any instructions that they could read and when they started, YouTube tutorials hadn’t even been invented. They achieved this level of ability through pure trial and error and peanuts. Lots of peanuts.

But what’s truly amazing is not that they learned how to do it or that they can do it so much better than humans could, but that they manage to keep their cool through the entire process. The beeping alone would have had me throwing my feces pretty early on in the process. And then probably once again, in celebration, after I’d mastered it.

Once you finish just marvelling at the cognitive abilities of chimps, you have to ask yourself what all of this is in aid of.

Possibility 1: The Glass-Half-Empty View

This is all secretly funded by a car company or similar multinational manufacturing conglomerate. These are the early stages of training primates to do all of our manufacturing, a job they will perform perfectly, better than us, and literally for peanuts. This doesn’t just create a chimpanzee slave class that will one day rise up and enslave us all, but it also puts all humans out of manufacturing jobs. Sadface.

The Glass-Half-Full View

Some time in the not too distant future when humans manage to wipe themselves out, chimps are more than ready to take over. Give them a few million years of evolution and who knows what they’ll be capable of. Happy face.

Either way, apparently the scientists later tried to get Ai and Ayumi to do Sudoku, but they felt it was pointless and preferred doing crosswords anyway.

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